44. conflict resolution
Spiral Herbal Remedies has changed locations a few times over the last several years. Each time I move, I’m hopeful that conflict will be left behind. But alas, it’s part of being human and unavoidable.
So how do you deal with it? Stress is one of the biggest influences on our health. When we’re stressed, we release the hormone Cortisol which literally turns off our immune system and ability to fight pathogens. With that in mind, conflict resolution is essential.
I’ll admit that I usually freak out when in conflict. I spent a lot of my younger years avoiding it but that didn’t serve me. I’m now in a place where I know it’s necessary to create change but I’m not very skilled at it. So I had to gather resources to help me navigate conflict better when this came up in my new space.
I attended the Women’s Entrepreneur Conference recently. It was created to support and encourage Female Entrepreneurs. Along with receiving a ton of information, I met a number of amazing women. One was a lawyer whose practice involves Conscious Contracting which includes making a peace pact with partners in anticipation of conflict.
I loved her idea and wanted to share. With the Peace Pact, you build in methodologies for conflict resolution into any agreements, so partners can avoid litigation. For instance, she suggested ending verbal confrontations when they get heated and instead, write your thoughts out during a time when you’re not feeling stressed, in an email, and sending it to whomever you’re in conflict with.
When you’re in the middle of an argument, most people are thinking about what they’ll say next instead of listening. It’s easy to lose control and go on the attack. Battles use up resources - time, energy, your good reputation, motivation.
So, an email followed up by a call for a meeting is a great way to say what needs to be said and move towards resolution.
Here is some other wisdom I found online:
This from the NYtimes this week:
Constructively Confront Someone:
Confronting someone when you have a problem with that person can be scary. If you’re the type to avoid conflict, you might rationalize it away by saying you want to keep the peace, or you don’t want to upset anyone. However, this can be a way of avoiding your own feelings. If there wasn’t something bothering you, there would be nothing to confront anyone about.
Dr. Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist, explained to Psychology Today that it’s our own fears that keep us from confronting others. Our fear that we’ll lose something we have, that we’ll hurt someone we care about, or that it will hurt but accomplish nothing. One of the first steps to constructively confronting someone is to recognize that fear in yourself and identify the real issues that led to the conflict in the first place. If you’re annoyed that your partner forgot your birthday, for example, ignoring how you feel about it won’t resolve the conflict.
Once you’re ready, Gregg Walker, a professor at Oregon State University, recommends having the conversation when there’s time to discuss the issue, focusing on “I” statements like “I feel hurt that we didn’t do anything for my birthday,” and describing behavior and your reaction to it, rather than hurling accusations. Healthy confrontations require a fair amount of awareness of your own emotions, so this is a good time to practice that skill.
And from another resource.
1. Understanding the conflict is key. Try to understand what your interests are. What do you want/need?
2. Is there a third party outside the conflict that could help?
3. Is there a way to determine if an idea is legitimate? A law, a precedent?
4. What are the interests of the other party? If you were in their shoes, what would you care about? What do they want/need?
5. Brainstorm possible solutions. Come up with as many ideas as possible, don’t judge or criticize ideas. Look for a win-win solution or compromise in which both sides get something they want.
6. Which resolution gives both groups the most? That resolution is probably the best one.
________________________________________________________________________________________
On the Herbalism front:
Someone just asked if I offered any discounts online so i just set some up.
You’ll get $5 off of all orders under $150 using the code: FEBRUARY and 10% off orders over $150 using the code: FEBRUARY10
I engage in Herbalism as Social Practice. For those not in the art world, that means Herbalism grew out of my art practice and is an integral part of all I do.
Some Herbalism advice about preparing for meetings that involve conflict. In my last space, I had back to back meetings a week apart. These meetings were meant to resolve conflict and everyone in the market attended. I didn’t take CBD before the first one and when things got underway, I felt my body seize up. I had an extremely difficult time communicating. I was literally trying to talk through clenched teeth, my heart was pounding in my chest, and I even cried out of frustration.
This is programing. We women have been taught to “be nice”, “don’t rock the boat”, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. It’s was pretty fascinating when I became conscious of it. My body literally shuts my mouth. That the meeting didn’t go well.
Before the second meeting, I took CBD and the meeting was completely different. I was relaxed, my heart didn’t pound aaaand I could open my mouth and say what I needed to say. What a relief. Sometimes our bodies hold us hostage and we need something to calm us. Spiral Herbal Remedies CBD is completely Organic and toxin-free, (see lab results in the listing). The Hemp is grown in Colorado and I make it into oils, salves, lube, face serums and body oils. I have an entire line of other plant-based, all organic remedies as well. Check out my website.
I trained as an herbalist for 3 years and worked as a Registered Nurse for 13.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
And on the Making front:
1. I’ve been awarded a residency for the month of June at The Textile Art Center. Yipee! It will give me a chance to concentrate on making while providing an opportunity to interface with the public. I engage with people every day in my herbalism shop and I look forward to being able to do the same with my sculptures.
2.I’ve also been invited to teach again at Mildred’s Lane, the artist residency founded and run by J. Morgan Puett and Mark Dion in Eastern PA. A pedagogic, experiential, Social-Practice-driven experience, this residency and knowing Morgan has been transformative.
Our project while I’m there is to resurrect a garden. I’ll be going up in March or April to lay cardboard out on the garden , creating a weed barrier, water conservator and soil holder that will eventually decompose into topsoil. This is the Permaculture way of prepping the soil for our June project. The soil doesn’t need to be turned over, nutrients don’t drain from soil in the process, no weeding. It’s a pretty awesome way to prepare a garden.
During the residency, we’ll be planting medicinal herbs and other plants. I’ll also be leading foraging walks, where residents have a chance to identify, collect and become informed about local plants and their medicinal properties.
The residency takes place June 1 -14th. Click here to apply. It will change your life.
3.One last thing - I submitted a proposal for Spring Break - the dynamic, well attended and headline grabbing artist-run art fair in NYC. We’re on the waitlist (Alexandra Hammond, Whit Forrester and I). Send some thoughts/energy to the curators so that somehow someone decides not to participate and we make it in.
